New Year, Same Goals

Tags

contemplation, focus, getting stuff done, goals, greta gerwig, new year, rambles, sarah hendrickson, School, self, solidify, thoughts, time, writing

Haha. That’s always the way it is for me. I still aim for the same things year after year. It all falls along improvement. Improve in dance, improve in school, improve in this blah blah blah. This year though, I want to solidify everything. Solidify all these projects I have orbiting around in my universe. I want them grounded and set and that’s what I’m working towards. A continuous theme of getting stuff done. And I’m gonna do it. I am going to solidify who I am and where I am going.

I will not be torn.

School starts tomorrow. And eh, I’m going to be okay. Yes, I don’t want to revisit stress or teachers. But alas, school is going to force me to manage my time. And if that isn’t my biggest struggle then I don’t know what is. I’m better at time management, but if I crack down and solidify everything I’ve got going for me then I will have to up it a notch. I will learn to find calmness and laughter under a lot of stress. I am learning now. Learning as I go.

I’ve gotten into the habit of taping interesting/inspirational things on the back of my bedroom door. Usually I find clippings from the newspaper that only comes once a week on Sundays. This Sunday’s paper though, didn’t have much to offer. I am disappointed. So far my door has pictures of Greta Gerwig (super cool screenwriter who wrote one of my favorite movies Frances Ha) and Sarah Hendrickson (the American candidate for the gold medal in Women’s ski jumping for this year’s winter Olympics despite coming off a terrible knee injury) and then there’s a few random quotes from various parts of the newspaper. It’s hodge podge now but I think the back of my door could really become something special. There could be a lot Cranberry hanging on the door.

I’ve spent a lot of break processing and thinking and things just keep rolling out and in. Unfortunately, my attempts at writing them down have been dull and I wish I could find the time and energy to appropriately detangle them. It gets harder and harder to though. I haven’t detangled a thought in a while. I tend to be proud of those posts where I really delve into something. It feels original. If I complain more than I actually write, I feel like I’ve done a shallow job at creating something. At expression. That I’ve shallowly turned this blog into a nagging pile of words. I aim neither to write shallowly nor do I aim to think shallow thoughts and be a shallow person.

I always did like the deep end of the pool.

I don’t know when I will write again. I just have so much to do. And a tight time frame. Cut to the chase, y’know.

Until I end up here again, needing a release, thanks for existing and choosing to read,

Stay Excellent

Cranberry Lorraine

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changes, choices, experiences, family, friends, learning, maturity, observant, pondering, puzzled, self, siblings, t.v.

I just spent a few days with a longtime friend and her family. We’ve known each other since the day before kindergarten and we’ve grown up together in a lot of ways. But because we’ve grown up in the same neighborhood, with the same teachers, with parents that are friends, it makes our differences even more stark.

And it’s not bad. It’s just interesting that despite all these similarities we had as young kids and the similarities we share now, we’ve matured at different rates. Well, we’re both mature in some ways. Like school, for instance. We are both ambitious and “proactive” and focused. But in terms of understanding the world, I know and understand more. I am more mature when it comes to dealing with the world outside our homes. I think I’m more ponderous than she is. I spend more time thinking about ideas and people and stuff than she does. I think I spend more time pondering than she does because I have been exposed to more. Her mother has sheltered her more than my parents’ efforts to (or not to) combined have. I am much more interested, much more observant than she is. She’s like a scientist; she only looks her own experiment and nothing else. I may not have an experiment, but I look at all sorts of pieces of life. I’ve seen more, in a way, than she has. That’s sounds conceited but it’s true. I don’t say it to put her down, but I’ve read and seen (but not experienced) the other side of our dear suburban, sheltered life.

We were watching this t.v. show a few nights ago about a family with teenagers in San Diego. And since it’s t.v. on ABC Family there has to be an underage drinking scene. My friend automatically asserted that that one of the characters was “bad” because he was drinking at a party. And after reading blogs and talking to adults that I trust, I can’t say that about someone. Not wholeheartedly anyways. Yeah, I wouldn’t drink at a party, but I don’t feel comfortable judging people like that. You don’t know what an individual has been through and especially if you’ve only met someone once or you barely know them you don’t know all the good they’ve done and you don’t know all the bad they’ve done. One interaction with another human being can tell you lots about the other person but I don’t believe it permits a serious judgement.

I may be too pluralistic but for goodness sake, I’ve been on tumblr before.

Of course we still judge. I definitely do. I just make an effort to not dwell on them.

Plus, she’s an only child. And I really believe that having at least one sibling changes you more than having no siblings at all. All attention is focused on the one child and it’s all catered to he or she. And when you have siblings, you aren’t the priority anymore. And if you are the oldest, like I am, then you better figure out how to do some stuff yourself, because your younger sibling(s) need more help than you do.

It’s amusing to think about how we started the same, and while we are still friends, our minds are in different places.

Stuff like that catches my attention. And it just forces me to puzzle how we fit together. All our differences and our similarities. How our experiences and the people we spend our time with change how we piece ourselves together.

It’s a thought that will be pondered for as long as I live.

Stay Excellent,

Cranberry Lorraine

Boxing Day

Tags

boxing day, brothers, christmas, Et Cetra, family, holidays, jewish, knowledge, kwanzaa, money, parents, rambles, random, self, struggle, thoughts, time, true self, wikipedia'

So I guess today is Boxing Day and it’s the first day of Kwanzaa. I don’t know anything about Kwanzaa, or Boxing Day for that matter. I don’t know any Kwanzaa participants. It’s funny how I know an awful lot about Hanukkah and Judaism in general and such but I know next to nothing about Kwanzaa. A really close friend is Jewish and I’ve been lucky to celebrate more than just Hanukkah with her family. Plus, one of my uncles is Jewish (and Swedish).  Jewish holidays don’t hold much  spiritual significance to me but I still enjoy them. I like the ritual aspect of many of the holidays and I like how tight knit the community is, or seems to be. The Jewish population is so small that if you know one Jew, you are connected to all the other Jews. And I wish I could speak another language fluently and if I was a practicing Jew I would most likely speak Hebrew like my dear friend does. I think she can read Hebrew better than she can speak Hebrew but its still impressive in my mind.

So back to the original point, I don’t know anything about Kwanzaa except that it’s celebrated largely among African American families and that it requires the use of colorful candles. Everybody loves candles in December. Every religion or holiday celebration or whatever has to implement a candle somewhere.  

I know Boxing Day is observed in the UK and perhaps some other places. 

….Let me look this up on Wikipedia….

(I honestly don’t understand why so many people claim that Wikipedia is terrible and a disgrace to the internet and blah blah blah. Because I use Wikipedia all the time and I’ve learned so much just from clicking all the linked words in various articles on the Wikipedia site. Have some warmth in your heart this Christmas/Boxing Day/Kwanzaa season and don’t tear Wikipedia down. Be nice people. Yeah, Wikipedia can’t be used for every purpose but neither can any other website. )

Evidently, Boxing Day is the day after Christmas when aristocrats would give their servants or working class tradesmen gifts. Now it is a bank holiday observed in the UK, Canada, Hong Kong, Australia, New Zealand, Kenya, Trinidad, Tobago and the rest of the British Commonwealth. 

Look how much I just learned from Wikipedia. 

Well Christmas was fun yesterday and amazingly quieter than usual. I ate a lot of food that was not entirely bread, mind you. Although 70% of it was bread. We came home late-ish and my family packed to go on a road trip. 

I am not going on this road trip because I convinced my parents to let me stay with a friend (my Jewish friend described above in fact) so I can go to choreography rehearsals at dance for these next three days. I’m grateful that I get to stay and that I get to be in the new choreography.  But I also feel guilty because I know my mom and dad, especially my mom, work hard to plan trips the entire family can take together. It doesn’t happen very often because we are all so busy. They left this morning and I’m not sad, but I wish it could have worked out differently. I wish my family could plan things around dance but it doesn’t work like that when you have siblings. Ugh I wish I could do both. And just thinking about how much my parents sacrifice for me and all the stuff I do that requires no small amount of time or money. I don’t know. I shouldn’t even ask for things anymore; they already do so much for me. I know that they love their kids and that they want to plan things for us but it feels terrible knowing that I don’t do much for them. 

My mom mentioned a few days ago that she feels that more effort has been put into my activities than to my brother’s. And that’s unequal and therefore unfair. I don’t know what to think. I feel like my parents might hate dance after this year because I do it so much now and it’s easy for rehearsals to be scheduled over breaks and other times when usually I would spend time with my family. I don’t feel like I have enough sway to alter the rehearsal schedule because I’m so new to the studio and company I dance with now. I feel guilty about my brother because it seems sometimes that I overshadow him and it’s not my intent but it just happens. I wish there was a way to make him feel more confident and motivated because I believe he can be. 

I don’t feel bad for being ambitious and motivated and diligent and feeling like “I have to do everything to the fullest extent because otherwise I’m not working hard enough”. But I wish people were inspired by it and not crushed by it. I wish it wasn’t daunting to some people. Because I’m lazy too and sometimes I really don’t care and I don’t try hard. I’m not that special. I’m not superhuman. I’m just the way I am and I have to change stuff about myself too. 

Oh well. It’s a struggle to figure out who you really are and it’s an eternal struggle to decide what needs to change because no one’s perfect and there’s some sides of us that we have to keep in check. I’m not saying one should suppress their true nature but one has to learn to be oneself so that one helps instead of harms. 

There’s my rambly slice of brain thought for today

Stay Excellent, 

Cranberry Lorraine

 

Fresh Page

Tags

assertion, aunts, christmas, cousin, determination, exhaustion, family, gifts, introspection, john lennon, love, maturity, opposites, quietness, self possession, spirit, time, tolerance, uncles

“So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young”

I think John Lennon and I share a similar view of Christmas. A little bittersweet and I think a little introspective. Ah Christmas. Christmas Eve for my family is always quiet. My mom’s family comes over and there’s not much of my mom’s side in CA. Nor in the entire country for that matter. My mom’s sister comes over like usual and we eat Chicken Piccata, which is this yummy lemony and zingy lightly fried chicken and ugh its so good. We only have it at Christmas. Usually for dessert my dad makes some chocolate creation. He made a Buche de Noel or a Yule Log a few years ago. Last year he made gingerbread souffles. But this year we just ate Christmas cookies. That were darn amazing. There will be a chance to eat more chocolate and such later. We play Christmas charades too because my family takes any opportunity to play charades. (And because of that, I am above average on my charades). This year we had to guess Christmas carols. My parents won because they know oh so many hymns from sitting in church. Then we open presents. I guess we open my parents’ gifts to us [the kids] on Christmas Eve because it’s just easier than waiting until Christmas Morn’ when we are on the road to my paternal grandparents’ house. So we open a few presents and talk and then we watch the best Christmas movie ever that practically no one knows about. And they really should know about it because it is so tender and whimsical and well, it holds a special place in my heart. It’s called The Tailor of Gloucester  and it is based on one of the stories that Beatrix Potter wrote. I can’t even explain it properly because it will sound odd and definitely not Christmasy but its the story of how these mice that live in the walls of the Tailor’s shop fix the clothes the Tailor is making for a wedding on Christmas morning after the Tailor falls ill a few days before Christmas. It sounds dull but its incredible how a simple story can emit such tenderness.

Tomorrow we will be at my dad’s parents’ house. It will be loud and boisterous. A lot of people will be there. It’s almost the polar opposite of what Christmas Eve typically is. But I like it somehow too. I like seeing all my family members packed into one room. For once, all attentive. It will be nice to see my cousins, but I always look forward to seeing my aunts and uncles. I’ve gained a certain respect from them for being the quietly observant cousin. For a long time one of my cousins, she’s 9 months older, stole all the attention of the adults with her vivacity and her loudmouthed selfishness. We were at a sort of war for a while. Who could win over the adults? Calm quietness or loud assertion? What we didn’t realize is that our aunts and uncles weren’t exactly ones to be won over. Eventually though, my cousin calmed down and she is much more tolerable now.(her mother a different story) and my aunts and uncles seem to note my self possession much more often now as a positive trait. So long story short, I didn’t ask or demand the approval of my aunt and uncles and grandparents. I earned it because I didn’t demand it. Because I matured faster than my cousin did.

I love my grandparents’ house. Well that’s not entirely true. I don’t like the layout of the house, but I love the piece of land it sits on. When it rains everything turns green and textured. Textured like I can see the ripples in mud pathways and I can see the grooves in the ladders by the old shed. The water defines it all for me and I just love it. I can feel everything by looking at it. It’s almost magical. I hope it rains tomorrow. Either way, I like to take long walks around my grandparents’ property. It feels fresh and clear and I feel renewed when I walk back inside. It can be a great relief from socializing.

The Winter solstice is here. I suppose I would notice it more if the skyline wasn’t so crowded with buildings. If I was in Alaska maybe. Christmas is here. That feel so weird. Too soon. The passage of time is relentless. I have a lot to do this break. And I have done some of it, but I need to get more of it done. mmrble. The story of my life. I’m not worrying about it. I need some time for my brain to re-energize. School was crazy during December. And I had to put many important things on hold to just get through finals. It’s okay though. I’m not giving up. I am simply readjusting. I will get whatever needs to be done done. I won’t create quality work if I’m overworked. Everything will find a conclusion because I am determined that it will do so.

Bet you’ve all missed those pep talks I give myself.

I’ve thought about so much lately. I don’t know how to put it all down. I think if I out it all down in this post WordPress may crash or something. Or you may fall asleep from the boredom of my problems. But somehow it will all get out there. That’s how I process stuff. But boy has my mind been going places. Inspiration pops into my head and I don’t know what to do with it because I’m usually driving and there’s not an easy to record my inspiration without serious risk.

I’ll say this much:

I’ve started reading the Divergent book series. By Victoria Roth and it is not bad. I’m almost done with the third book already.

And going back to Christmas, I think I’m beginning to desire less material things and more intangible stuff that is difficult to find and difficult to hold on to. Yeah, I ask my parents for such and such and I give my extended family a listy list. But I’m not disappointed if I don’t get everything I asked for. Yeah it would be nice but it’s not necessary. Giving material objects as gifts seems inconsequential unless it’s something that I truly, wholeheartedly want.  It means a little less to me now. It’s cheesy, but I’d rather give and receive love than any material object. I truly would.

(I still want Doc Martens Mom…). HeHeHeh, but really, to reassure your inner skeptic, love beats all.

So this is it.

Merry Christmas,

Cranberry Lorraine

Ugh Goodness It’s Been A While.

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whatever

I start way too many posts like that.

Let’s start again, shall we?

Would You Like to Hear About My Life?

Tags

aunts, cold, completion, concert, dance, death, december, friends, fun, office depot, rainy, rambles, School, thoughts

Well, I’m so glad. And even if you don’t want to, you will have the pleasure of knowing anyways.

A lot has happened. It doesn’t feel like much has, but honestly a lot has happened in a total of 7 days.

It was a busy week and weekend. Concerts and performances and late nights and a load of school work. I’m so run out of energy. But we are almost done. I am beginning to realize that I will always have something to do. There’s always something that I could be doing that would be super productive and most of the time I am doing it, but sometimes I am not. And then when it gets late as it is now, I really wish I had done all the productive stuff. I start thinking “Ah, maybe I’ll finish that now”. Oh Cranberry, you silly organism. What do you think you are doing?

I am proud to say that sometimes I can actually answer that question.

On Friday I ran around Office Depot. Literally ran. Now office supply stores have so much more potential than just illustrating an illusion of productivity. Now I can be the non-productivity in the productivity store. And I love opposite stuff like that. I was with my friends, Nymph and Tom, and we played hide and seek. Spun around in office chairs. Stalked employees. Ate candy and looked at various cards. At the end of our adventure, we were the only people in the store besides the staff. I think we scared everyone else out. Too much laughter and random gesturing coming from an office store. I honestly felt like a little kid in this huge body but it was great. It felt almost like a rite passage…I know so dramatic, but it was a teensy bit rebellious and that was fun. In moderation.  I didn’t give a damn that I was still in uniform and that I was “representing St. Francis”. I represented the fact that St. Francis people know how to have fun with objects that are seemingly boring. How’s that for creativity?

And it rained on Friday! Ah finally. Finally. It was so cold and wet and the sound was lovely. I fell asleep listening to the rain, which is one of may favorite things in this world. Falling asleep in my warm bed, listening to a storm thrash outside. It’s still nippy in my room because my room is on the outside of my house, so I am directly affected by all weather occurrences. But the cold makes me appreciate the warmth of my blankets. I think falling asleep to rain is a very safe place. I don’t know why, but I feel safe and calm and the sound of the rain rocks me into sleep. I feel sheltered, with blankets piled on top of me. I really want to go on a walk in the rain. A substantial walk, not some traipse around my backyard. Seeing the leaves plastered to the sidewalk and the ripples of puddles. The smell of rain on asphalt and the rain sliding through my hair. Rain is just magical for stuff like that.

More rain please, more rain.

I had soup on Saturday evening. I used to dislike soup. I cannot imagine why, because now all I want to eat is soup. Probably because it is really really cold now. An unheard of sort of cold for where I live. I arrived at school with chattering teeth every day this past week. Now it’s really winter. I get out of my bed and drag all my sheets with me. There is no other way for me to get out. And when I get dressed in the morning, I try to keep my blankets on until the last possible moment.

I have so many secret santas. I may need to employ my parents because I doubt I will have much time to really think about what to get each person. That’s how I giv emy gifts. I take lots of time and I can’t just do it in five minutes. I spend a few days thinking about what to get them. So I have to do that.

That’s all the good stuff that has happened.

And not many bad things have happened, really. It’s been a good week. This time of the year is always a little difficult. To this day exactly, a teacher at St. Francis was killed in a train accident. I didn’t know her but it makes me sad to see someone so beloved go. How could all those things intersect at once? All those different lives and purpose and all of a sudden no more. Everyone was affected by her death. That’s the amazing thing-as crude as that sounds-but one person affected so many lives even if she didn’t know all of them.

And to think it’s been a year. A whole year. A year since great things have happened, like rekindling a dear friendship, but also a year since tragedy has happened. I think this day sticks out more because of Peanut Butter dying almost a month ago.

That seems surreal. Still. God, why did she decide to leave? I think about her. I hope she’s wherever she wants to be. And in all honesty, Peanut Butter and I weren’t that close.  I was so shocked that she would think to commit suicide. Shocked because she was always so wise and solid. Unshakable. A force of nature when she wanted to be. I guess everyone has their breaking point.

She was a part of my life but there’s other adults that I’m close to that if they died I would…I would not, not be ok, not as self possessed as I have been throughout this process. My mom is angry at Peanut Butter as are my mom’s other friends who knew Peanut Butter. The letters were finally were found and although it hasn’t been overt, I can tell that people, my mom definitely included,  are angry and peeved and distressed and pissed and just a cluster of nasty emotions. I just wish that it all made sense, but it doesn’t. Nothing about the entire situation adds up. There is no closure. Just fragments. That was so unlike her too. Fragments of reasons, last words, and motives. Just shards of what seemed to be a placidly beautiful life.

To a conclusive week. To conclusion of this semester.

Stay Excellent,

Cranberry Lorraine

Song of the Moment

Tags

all my loving, beatles, Et Cetra, focus, hopeless romantic, motivated, random, School, Song of the Moment

I haven’t done one of these in a while. I’ve actually been listening to a lot of good music lately. I was talking to a friend on Friday and we are both Beatles fans and so after our conversation on Friday I suddenly cannot get enough of the Beatles. I’ve always liked them but the more my music library grows the less I listen to songs I’ve had for quite some time. Ah, but it feels so good to listen to the Beatles. 

I don’t think I have a favorite song. Well, wait. Actually, I might. Either way, there’s a good handful of songs that I enjoy from them. My favorite at the moment is “All My Loving”. Ugh it’s just so catchy and so easy to get swept up in. This song, I suppose, brings out the inner hopeless romantic in me. It just feels so sincere and innocent, like nothing will break love and all will be well despite the distance. I’ve been singing it all weekend long and I plan to sing it to my love. perhaps, one day, if that happens and all that jazz. But for now I sing it to myself and whoever else dares to listen. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T098BBuvmjs

School is tomorrow. Routines of life begin again. Which is good and bad like usual. I’m feeling motivated. Let’s do stuff and get stuff done and work hard and focus and be passionate and excited and push through. And yeah, let’s do it. No sense in holding back. 

Stay Excellent, 

Cranberry Lorraine

Handing Out Gratitude

Tags

carpe diem, closeness, dance, friends, life, living, love, people, rambles, self, sleep, thanksgiving, thoughts, trust, write

Already Thanksgiving. Cannot believe it.

I remember last Thanksgiving my mom and brother were in Utah visiting my favorite cousin and his family. So it was me, my dad, and my other brother James holding the fort down. I had a lot of very long talks with my dad. We would eat dinner and then we would sit for another hour and a half or so and just talk. Those are my favorite kind of dinners. The ones that are lazy and not rushed. Where eating and talking are combined and the conversation rambles along. I really like eating dinner with my family. That doesn’t happen much anymore unfortunately. I dance so much that by the time my mom comes home to eat with us I am on my way to rehearsal. We always eat together on Sunday evenings though. Friday evenings everyone is all over the place and Saturday nights always manage to be busy. But Sunday evening dinners is just with my family. And I like it that way. My dad always has something interesting to say, so the conversation is good. My brother and I talk about funny things from the past week. It just feels very comfortable, which is how a family unit should feel.

I’ve eaten a lot of food today. I do feel some pressure to stay in shape because we only have a week off and I do have to dance the same amount next week, but then again…Food is delicious and it’s thanksgiving and I’m still youthful and y’know what YOLO SWAG. No, not exactly YOLO SWAG but carpe diem perhaps. I don’t think I will be eating much tomorrow and as much as I love food I think a day of fasting is good. Just to clean out your system.

I saw my favorite aunt Winnie today. She didn’t stay for long but I was so happy to see her. There’s always those few people who just make me wondrously happy to see and I always want to just sit with them for hours upon hours and just be that annoying little person that can’t get over them. That’s how much I enjoy Winnie. We are very close. She knew Peanut Butter like my mom did. And you could tell the pain hasn’t subsided yet; she looked worm out. And it dampens my spirits to see someone whom I love dearly so distressed. I wish I could fix it. I would do anything in my power to bring Peanut Butter back and to see my mom and her three close friends reunited.

Everyone would be happy and not a tear in sight.

Ah, I wish. I miss Peanut Butter, but I haven’t dwelled in a dark place regarding the suicide. She was a part of my life, but I wasn’t incredibly close to her. It wasn’t the relationship Winnie and I have. I do think about Peanut Butter quite a bit though. I’m not sad when I think about her. Well, it doesn’t induce more sadness to think about her. I don’t exactly why I think about her. But I just recall her face and her chuckle and I just let them sit in my consciousness. Not to make me sad or happy, but to just to remember her. To just let her be.

I’m thankful. For everything, especially for life. I try to be thankful everyday. I think of one person or thing or event that I should be thankful for every day. I should get into the habit of writing it all down too. But I really am grateful. I am surrounded by so much goodness that I honestly don’t deserve. That was just given to me out of the love of others’ hearts.

Of course, I am grateful for my friends. Beyond grateful and beyond blessed. I should tell them that more often. I hope they know that. Because I know for sure how wonderful they are and they should know too. I also feel thankful for my brother. We have the weirdest relationship  but it’s also very open and in a way unique. I am grateful for a stronger, more definite sense of direction. Sometimes I still feel lost in big crowds and new places, but for the most part I feel like I am heading a direction that I’ve chosen and one that I want.

But I am most thankful that I’ve still got a chance at life and that there’s still so much living to be done. What a gift I have.

Now I’m debating whether I should do some work or go to sleep. I am not thankful for these decision ruts I am always faced with.

What do I do?

sleep.

write.

sleep.

write.

sleepwrite

writesleep

Stay Excellent,

Cranberry Lorraine

Here’s What’s Been on My Mind

Technology and our reliance on it. I’ve noticed how much I’m on my phone and on the computer, but especially my phone. I caught myself several times today unlocking my phone to go on social media apps while someone was talking to me. I spend so much time lurking around on tumblr and stalking people on instagram. And the weird thing is that I never used to do that. I was not a part of those social worlds. Before now, probably before last Spring, my phone had a use but it did not suck all of my attention and energy. Now my phone seem to be a black hole. It’s so easy to get absorbed in the sides of lives people display on social media. It’s so easy to just scroll to another picture and oogle. And none of it really means anything. Why do I spend so much time thinking about whether I should post a picture? What’s it to anyone? What’s it to me? I’m not learning any more online than I would reading a novel about unicorns made out of broccoli that knit socks together and harvest grapes year round. I should probably read a good book and I want to because I love books, bu I get sucked into the mindless, playful page scrolling that so marks instagram and tumblr. Books stimulate the mind whereas social media sedates brain activity. And yes, this break is for relaxing but I can’t let my brain turn to mush. Plus, when else will I be bale to read books over the school year? Never. I hate to admit it but it’s a battle of self discipline, Books vs Social Media, that is. I want to read books but turning off my brain to watch movies is oh so appealing right now.

All this relates back to using my time effectively. Knowing when to play and when to work. This also is an eternal battle for me.

I’ve noticed on my instagram that the photos I’ve posted fit into different stages of my life so far. Some phases were full or old pictures from my childhood. Other phases are filled with photos of me and friends and family. Some are chalked full with selfies and all others are a little ambiguous as to wear they fit in. I think it’s interesting that one can see my instagram taste evolving by looking at my profile. You can see me going from a selfie gallery to a broader selection of photos. Almost all of my photos have clever and/or meaningful captions though (because those are half the fun in my opinion). I pride myself of good captions. If you want to post a million selfies in one day, fine! As long as you have a snazzy and witty caption for each photo I’m perfectly sound with you posting as many selfies as you want in one day.

I kinda want a tumblr. I am little tired of lurking around, but then again do I really need another distracting social media outlet? I want to say “yes” but the answer should be a resounding “no”.

These are my thoughts this far/ There are always more awaiting.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Stay Excellent,

Cranberry LOrraine

Walk With Me

Tags

contemplate, deep, Et Cetra, late post, people, random, social, solitude, stories, talk, walk

I am in the mood to walk. And if someone would like to walk with me that is fine. I just want to go on a long walk with someone and just talk. Walk and talk. Talk and walk. Walk yourself into being.

Tonight I conversed with people I hadn’t seen in a while and it was nice. It’s fun being social as much as I like my solitude. It’s fun learning and catching up with people. I like hearing about the way people talk about their lives. I like to talk about my life. Sometimes it hits me that I just like stories. I like to hear people’s stories. I want people to hear my story.

I want to have a deep conversation. I haven’t had one in a while. But you can’t just dive into that stuff. You have to let the words build. Deep stuff takes time.

Perhaps that’s why I want to walk for a long time. So I can listen to a story and talk about my one. Either way, I want to walk and talk.

If you want to walk and talk with me, I wouldn’t object.

Stay Excellent,

Cranberry Lorraine